Her Deepest Fear: A Breakdown Series Short Read by Hinze Vicki

Author:Hinze, Vicki
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Magnolia Leaf Press
Published: 2018-09-06T16:00:00+00:00

* * *

A scant twenty-four hours later, Thomas phoned with the council’s response.

Dana had a new job and a new home. Both would be waiting for her to claim them at the end of the school year.

On the flight back to Phoenix, she admitted she was going to miss living there. Miss the people at her school. Miss her house and her friends. But with every passing mile, getting closer and closer to home, the too familiar tension in her ratcheted up. By the time she got off the plane, her stomach was churning. And on entering her house, the first thing she did was vomit.

That proved the decision to go had been the right one. She couldn’t heal here. If she ever had a chance of reclaiming her life, she needed a fresh start.

“Thank you, Mr. Walker,” she whispered, rinsing her mouth at the bathroom sink. She looked into the mirror, into her own haunted eyes. She did need to heal, and equally important, she wanted to heal. She wanted to sleep without nightmares. To think of travelling without fear making her clammy in a cold sweat and her knees too weak to hold her. She wanted to at least want to travel again. This year, she wouldn’t take a summer adventure, she’d move instead. This year, she felt too bruised and raw to risk going anywhere. The world was a dangerous, dark place, and exploring it had lost its luster. But she wanted to feel that thrill for adventure again. She wanted her life back.

Things could never be the same. Only a fool could experience something as tragic and devastating as she had and be unscathed. But she didn’t want to always feel this anxious and sad and empty. She didn’t want to always feel like such a monumental failure. She was supposed to protect the students. She tried but…she failed.

And yet, for the first time since the incident, she wasn’t floundering. She’d been peaceful in Shutter Lake. Quiet, slow and simple. Safe.

Thanks to Mr. Walker and the founders, and even Mr. Perfection, Mayor Jessup, she’d found a space where it was okay to feel life spark inside her without feeling guilty. Without resenting herself and growing angry at it for daring to spark when her students were buried in the cold, hard ground.

In Shutter Lake, with that spark and maybe a little luck and a lot of grace, she could heal. She could maybe one day again meet her own eyes in the mirror and not regret that she had been the one to survive.

She knew as well as any psychologist that conquering survivor’s guilt was the essential first step required to reclaim her life. It was not negotiable.

That meant facing her deepest fear.

Dana squeezed her eyes shut, took in three deep and steadying breaths and then forced herself to open her eyes wide. Logically, she knew what she had to do. Emotionally, she understood exactly what was required. She had the heart, and the courage. But the will to survive and thrive?

Uncertainty fluttered in her stomach.

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